her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
did i just pee glitter
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
