Please, let me fuck your mom
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Randomize
