i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize