Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
