I was born with a shot glass in my hand
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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