remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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