She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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