ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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