He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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