I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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