so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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