I wish I only lived at night.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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