She went from zero to smokin in five shots
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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