I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
