Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
