I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
