if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
