Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
