So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
