This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Randomize
