Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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