I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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