i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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