Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
