She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I think I won the penis lottery.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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