I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
