You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
