if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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