I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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