it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Randomize
