When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
