Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
