im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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