yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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