I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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