Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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