Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
