that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
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