I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
