Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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