I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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