Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Randomize
