Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
