I bet he comes in French.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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