Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Randomize
