There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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