i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
