He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
