It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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