girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
