yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
