just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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