The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
