I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
