Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
