Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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