Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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