We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
