why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
well you can't waste a boner
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
my nose is crying tears of wow.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
