he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
