My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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