So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
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