Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Randomize
