And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
