I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
My cat gives me a boner
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
