i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
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