Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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