girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
