Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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