i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Randomize
