omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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