I'm sorry my penis didn't work
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
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